As stress is one of the main causes of a Crohns flare up, I have to work on keeping calm. I find it really hard when I am stressed to de-stress as it then results in me being more stressed that I'm stressed!! #STRESS ... (And breathe...) Generally, I would say I don't get too wound up about things or majorly stressed, but when I do I am pretty bad. I have an ability to work myself up in to a right state which ends in tears and hyperventilating - not pretty. I try things to minimalize my stress like planning ahead, deep breathing, going to my 'happy place' but sometimes this just doesn't work. The thing I have got stressed about most lately is sleeping. The steroids I am on keep me up all the time and it drives me mad. Laying in bed at night with your eyes wide open staring into pitch black darkness not being able to shut off at all is so infuriating. Then even when you get off to sleep, you're up five minutes later wide awake and this cycle just continues for the whole night. It is near enough impossible to stay calm in this situation, as all I can think of is how tired I'm going to be in the morning and it makes me so angry with myself that I can't just switch off. Now everyone says this, but the best thing to do when you can't sleep is to not wind yourself up, as it just makes it worse. But how hard is that?! It is hard, but it's not impossible... I set off to Google again to do some research, and I found an app you could download on your phone called 'Pzizz' and it has worked wonders for me (and it was free, bonus!). You set it to how long you want to sleep for and press start. A mans soft gentle voice starts speaking to you with calming noises in the background, and at first I wanted to laugh but after about ten minutes I was out. I had had my first full 8 hours sleep right through the night in about 2 months. AMAZING. Not only is it good for sleeping, but also has a nap setting. So even when I just feel a bit stressed and like I need to relax, I can take 20 minutes out, plug in and listen and just feel all my troubles slip away and feel so chilled out. I guess it's a form of mediation, letting your mind totally relax and shut off from the world around you.
Unfortunately, I can't spend 24 hours of the day with my earphones in listening to Pzizz, so I must find other ways to manage my stress on a day to day basis. I know I am stressed now about going away, and I can feel the affects on my body. I have 3 horrible ulcers in my mouth, one near the front and two at the back of my throat which are causing a lot of pain. I mentioned in my post the other day I could feel they were coming and now they seem they are here to stay. That's the horrid thing about Crohns, that it can occur anywhere in your digestive system right from your mouth. I have wondered why they've appeared though, as I am now taking azathioprine as well as still being on steroids. A theory is that because I'm reducing my dose of steroids gradually, it's not enough to keep my flare up at bay. I've contacted my IBD nurse to ask her what she thinks, but in the meantime I am gargling with Corsodyl which was a tip from a fellow Crohnie. It's absolutely killed me!! But I'm hoping that means it's working. Someone else recommended gargling with soluble prednisone, so I asked my nurse about this too and I'm sure she will answer all my questions and put my mind at rest.
Having this like it is going out of fashion!
The main thing now is to not get worried or stressed about what's going on, and certainly not to be stressed about my holiday. I know I am going to have the best time and have been looking forward to it for so long. I just can't help but worry sometimes and wonder what will happen if I don't feel well, if I feel homesick, forget something, get lost or whatever other situation could occur, but I know this is pointless. It is pointless to worry about 'what ifs' and about things that aren't in your control. From now on, I intend not to panic about what could or could not happen as it is simply pointless. I will also stick to being prepared as this makes me feel more in control of the situation and therefore calmer. Routine really helps me as well, so I'll stick to my morning swims and walks to work. I find this really calming actually, as some alone time is great for clearing your head.
With regards to packing - Instead of worrying about what shoes go with what dress, I'll just pack 24 pairs so I have lots of options. That's the right idea isn't it?
XOXO Crohnie Girl
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