One Day More

Today I woke up as normal and started my day the same as every other with a trip to the swimming pool and a banana and blueberry smoothie. But today is special.. It's special because there is only one more working day till Vegas!!!! I think it has actually sunk in that tomorrow I am jetting off to the US and I am so excited.

Like I said yesterday, I always get anxious before a holiday and I can't really explain why. I think it's a mix of emotions, being excited, feeling worried and of course a bit stressed. My stress levels have been really bad this week as much as I have tried to keep calm, and this is what has led to ulcers in my mouth. Thankfully, I spoke to my IBD nurse and she was able to advise me to get Betamethasone Soluble tablets prescribed from the doctors which are an oral steroid which I mix with water and gargle. So yesterday I was on the phone to the doctors to get that prescribed before I go away and they could not have been more difficult. The receptionist was telling me I had to request in writing and it would take two working days. At this stage I was finding it hard to keep calm, but managed to nicely explain the ulcers is my oral Crohns flaring up so I needed the meds ASAP. She soon understood and got the prescription processed but the next issue was how I was going to get them. As I work in London, it's difficult to do things around work. By the time I get home the pharmacy is shut, and it isn't open early enough to go in the mornings before work. This was when Daddy Cook came to the rescue!! In between rushing from job to job (he is a self employed electrician and incredibly hard worker) he went to the pharmacy and picked up the drugs for me. And did I mention he did all this on his birthday? What a hero!! That made me feel much more relaxed that I had something to help with the ulcers, but the next issue was my non-responsive phone...

One tablet of these in 20ml water makes a pretty pink shot!

Over the weekend my phone stopped working, saying it didn't have storage space and eventually just would not switch on. Just what I needed, a trip to the Apple store - joy. I brought the non-responsive phone into work and thought I would try Vodafone first, as the shop is only across the road and I pay £12 a month to them for insurance so thought they would just be able to swap the phone over but no. I was told I would have to go to Apple and book a genius appointment so that's what I did. I booked to go to Regent Street at 1.40pm so I could go in my lunch break. After a sweaty ride on the central line, I got there and waited to be checked in. The man came over to me to get my details, only to tell me he couldn't find my appointment. He said I would've got an email confirming, but unfortunately the email account was logged in on the dead phone so I couldn't check. Time was ticking and eating into my lunch hour, and I still hadn't got anywhere. Eventually, I found my appointment and I had booked it for 1.40pm.... on Monday 10th ... I felt a lump in my throat and knew I was going to burst into tears. I couldn't help it. I rushed out of the shop and stood on Regent Street sobbing. To anyone walking past I looked like a nutter, but I was past caring. I felt so stupid that I couldn't do something as simple as book an appointment on the right day. I wasn't even crying about the phone, it was just a build up of everything. The holiday, the ulcers, the painful cramps, my medication and the phone had just tipped me over. The real reason why I was so upset, was because of Crohns. I didn't want this. I didn't want something to be ruling my life, and holding me back, stopping me and trying to drag me down. I didn't ask for this, I don't believe I deserve it and I certainly don't want it. I still feel such anger towards it at times, and hate it for trying to ruin my life. It was already ruining the holiday of a lifetime I'd booked to celebrate mine and my best friends 21st's. Yes I could still go, but it wasn't going to be the holiday I'd wanted. I couldn't join in getting drunk and partying all hours, doing silly things and regretting it in the morning. I'd be on the side-lines watching, but not able to join in. I really hated Crohns for this, and somewhat hated myself for having it. It made me question what I'd done wrong in life to get it. Had I been a bad person and deserved it? Had I drank too much at house parties and damaged myself? Had I eaten too much rubbish in life? No. It was unfortunately just one of those things. I couldn't blame myself, or anyone else, it was just a bit of bad luck that couldn't be helped. I have got to stop beating myself up about it, and just learn to accept it. Most of the time I do, and deal with it so well, but other times it really hits me. Like a wave of reality crashing into me. But I know I can deal with this. God gives his hardest battles to His strongest soldiers.

 So after a bad day yesterday, I have picked myself up and am feeling so much better for it. A super brainy colleague at work had seen I was upset, and was able to fix my phone for me. Amazing! I'd started taking the soluble steroids for the ulcers, and I hadn't had cramps over night so positive mental attitude is in full force today! And why wouldn't I be feeling good? 7 hours till the out of office is switched on, and I'm headed to VEGAS BABY!

XOXO Crohnie Girl