Awareness

Unfortunately for sufferers, there is not a wide range of people who have knowledge on Crohn's disease and what it is all about. Most people think it's all about the frequent need to visit the bathroom, but we know it is so much more than that. I think it is so important to spread awareness of this disease so that people know what it really entails.

Since being diagnosed, I was determined to make the best out of a bad situation. I thought of  ways I could turn this thing into something positive, so I decided to start up a blog to offer support for other sufferers but also to spread awareness. When I was diagnosed, I myself didn't know much about the disease and remember buying countless books and reading articles online in attempt to know more about it. I struggled to find someone of my age going through the same thing. I wanted to know how they coped with going out, drinking, relationships but nothing seemed to be out there. That's when XOXO Crohnie Girl was born! I have been honest in all my entries and have posted even when I've been in a bad place and I think this is important to show the ups and downs and different sides to the disease. Since having Crohns, I have also been diagnosed with Anxiety and Depression and put on medication for this. Crohn's disease (as well as its sister Ulcerative Colitis) are completely debilitating illnesses that take over and completely change your life. As much as my life is different now, I feel stronger and able to stop it from controlling me. Yes I have bad days, but I also have faith and strength to know better days are coming.

In this weeks New Magazine there is a two page feature on Crohn's Disease and 'Getting Clued up on Crohns'. To see this is absolutely incredible, and I am so pleased to say that my story is included in the spread! I wanted to share with others what I was going through in the hope to inspire and encourage other sufferers to keep pushing on. The interview was done back in October when I had just been signed off work and diagnosed with Depression. I can remember exactly how I felt, not wanting to go out, not wanting to talk to anyone or do anything. I felt so low, and to now look back and feel how I feel now is absolutely unbelievable. I feel like a different person now, and that doesn't mean I am symptom free, as I still very often have stomach pains and irregular bowel movements, but I feel so much stronger in myself. I have seen a light at the end of the tunnel and every day I am one step closer. There is no way I could have got myself on the road to recovery without the strong support unit around me. I didn't want to see a doctor or therapist, I didn't want to even leave the house, but my family pushed and supported me and I am truly grateful. I have experienced the feelings of being alone and isolated and hating myself, and as hard as it has been I have managed to pull through and come out the other side. As much as I have my family to thank, the main person I have to thank is myself. I couldn't have done this without me being me. The same strength of character that always thought I wasn't good enough and beat myself down for not being better, has also been my saving grace and pulled me through a tough time. Like I said, I am by no means 'there' yet and still have to take lots of medication and each day is different, but I am so proud of how far I have come.

This is the spread in New Magazine! This was done back in October, and I can see from my face how poorly I look. I was on steroids at the time and can see I have 'moon face'!

2016 is set to be a good year for me already, and I aim to continue to spread awareness and be as strong as I have ever been mentally and physically.

XOXO Crohnie Girl

Hello 2016

I specifically remember this time last year saying to myself how 2015 was going to be 'my year', but there's no way I could have predicted what it would have turned out like. I can safely say that 2015 has been the worst year of my life. In June my world was completely turned upside down and after that things would never be the same. Having said that, 2015 has also been the best year of my life. I have done things and gone to places I never would have expected. I turned 21 and celebrated with all my friends and family in the most perfect way. I think it just proves you have to have the bad to appreciate the good.

The start of 2015 was amazing. I was going to be 21 this year and it was mapped out to be the best year ever. In March I was lucky enough to go to LA and Mexico with my boyfriend which really was an incredible trip (I want to move to LA!). When we got back it was my boyfriend's birthday and I'd planned a surprise night out with friends which was so much fun. Then it was my 21st!!! I felt like a real life princess and the celebrations just kept coming. It's funny now when I think about it, because I was doing everything wrong for my health (even though I thought otherwise) and I didn't feel great, but this was just my new normal I guess and I got on with it. Looking back at photos I can see how unwell I looked and puffy, it's crazy to know what I know is inside me now. I kept going, despite not feeling 100% and now I know this was all just the path to destruction. The major turning point when I realised things were wrong was over the May bank holiday weekend. I felt incredibly anxious and stressed and was running myself into the ground. That's when it triggered.

When I got my diagnosis in June, I felt devastated and for a good while I felt like I had to mourn the life I previously had. Things were never going to be the same. I was always going to have this thing inside me now. I vividly remember the doctor's telling me there was no cure for what I had, I was going to have it forever and that felt like a life sentence. I panicked about how things would change. Would my boyfriend still want to be with me? Would my friends still want to go out and have fun with me? Would my family get sick of my constant hospital appointments? The worst part of it was that I had no control over it. I had lost my independence totally. I became so reliant on my parents and had built up such anxiety about going outside my house, things were just going from bad to worse. I didn't want to be here anymore. Crohns disease actually led to me being diagnosed with depression in September, which not many people at the time knew about. I was very good at hiding it, and could easily put on my fake smile and pretend I was ok. But on the inside I felt like my soul was dying. I didn't know who I was anymore, this person wasn't 'me'. Crohns had turned me into someone else, someone who didn't value their life, who didn't want to carry on. I didn't want help, I didn't want to be fixed, I just wanted to shut my eyes and never wake up. Looking back on it now terrifies me. I can't believe I was actually in that low of a place to contemplate finishing my life. Were it not for my mum accidently finding out my intentions, who knows what things could have been like now. At the time I was angry at her for intervening. Angry at her making me go to a therapist and go on medication, but now I am so thankful. I have always been so lucky to have such an incredible support network around me and without that I really don't know what I would have done. Well I do know, I wouldn't be here writing this post.

So after an incredibly tough last half of the year, I feel stronger than I have ever been. I'm not the same person I was this time last year, I'm a better person. I'm stronger, wiser, healthier and am ready to face anything life throws at me. I'm on top of my diet and medication and for the first time in forever feel the one in control. I still go to therapy, take anti-depressants and countless other medication but I am the one in control. Crohns cannot beat me. Yes I have a chronic illness, but that isn't going to stop me. 2016 really is going to be MY year, and I am ready to attack it.

XOXO Crohnie Girl