Steroids - *ding ding* round 3!

It's crazy how a person can feel so exhausted from doing nothing. When I'm under the weather, all I do is lay around so to still be tired is mad. But that's a part of my joyous condition - fatigue. So on top of feeling crap all week and in terrible pain, I've also been feeling completely exhausted. I've spent the rest of the week working from home as I have just been feeling so bad. Waking up through the night in pain and needing the toilet, feeling exhausted and nauseous during the day and feeling downright fed up that I'm still not better is how I've spent my week!

After the phone call with the nurse on Tuesday, I felt really low. I had all my hopes pinned on it and really thought she'd have a solution for me. I got upset on the phone and couldn't really speak much, so I did email her the next day. I apologised and said that there must be something else we can do as I can't continue like this. I didn't hear anything back from her for a day and it made me feel more upset, but I did wonder that she could be speaking to my consultant and luckily I was right! She rang me the next day with the news she had spoken to my consultant and they had decided to put me back on a 2 month course of steroids. This time it wouldn't be prednisolone I was taking and she said I would be out on a 'less aggressive' form of steroids. I was happy with this as it meant not having the horrid side affects I had had before, plus it meant I was going to feel better. If only for 2 months at least!  So even though I was still feeling poorly, I had cheered up that something was being done.



I started the steroids on Friday with a positive attitude I would start to feel better. All week I had felt bad and been sticking to shakes or gluten free toast to ease my symptoms, but as it was Friday night my mum wanted to make a nice dinner to cheer me up. Even though my symptoms were some what slightly better whilst on the shakes, I still was suffering with frequent toilet trips which made me feel fed up, and even more tired. So I was aware that eating dinner could make the symptoms worse but I didn't even care. It was Friday night and I'd had a crappy week, I was eating food!! Mum made a really nice chicken dish with veggies and potatoes. My friend Stefania came over for the evening so had dinner too. It was really nice to see her. I always find when I'm around people it distracts me from how I'm really feeling and cheers me up. After dinner we had a gluten free apple and caramel cake my mum had made which was to die for!!! I had to have two slices! Just sitting in front of the telly with tea and cake having a gossip was the perfect evening for me. Although I do miss going out some nights, I'm still able to enjoy nice nights in. Nights in don't have to be spent on your own feeling sad and lonely! And this is what I'm learning now, all new ways to enjoy myself and new ways of socialising with crohns. 

Having a week and weekend totally chilling and focusing on feeling better really has done me the world of good. I woke up on Sunday to the sun shining after a nice lay in and felt happy. I was starting my day with a smile and wanted it to stay. I woke up the house hold and got everyone out for brunch in Leigh on Sea. We took my dog and she loved it. She had a sausage while I had scrambled eggs on gluten free toast. Being out in the sun was lovely and the fresh air felt amazing after being cooped indoors. We decided to go for a nice beach walk with the dog but ended up getting a little lost... This was a problem. The further out we got, the further away I felt from a toilet. I did feel better than I had done in the week, but I still wasn't 100%. I suddenly felt the need to go and panicked. I needed to find the toilet so headed to the public toilet sign just to find it was locked... It was during the middle of the day in a busy area and the toilets were shut. I was appalled at this and really don't think it is right. There weren't any shops near by and I didn't know where the next toilet would be. It made me feel panicky which makes my symptoms worse. I wanted to head back quickly and find a toilet. Luckily we sped up and came back to a strip of shops where one let me use the toilet so I was fine. I was all ok but it still didn't take away the horrid scared, panicked feeling I felt. That is easy enough to put me off of going out and leaving home which is awful. I think people really don't understand Crohns and the real affect it has on sufferers. Not only is it the physical affects, but also the mental impact it has on people. I could easily see how it could lead to living life as a recluse and feeling lonely and isolated. But at this moment in time I am feeling determined. I won't let it control me and I will continue to live the life I want to live.

So after a Sunday very well spent, I'm looking forward to getting back to work and cracking on with my positive attitude!  Wishing everyone a happy, fabulous week. 

XOXO Crohnie Girl